bills, bills, bills.

"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere."

~Glenn Turner

It's been a long time since I've updated. For many reasons. This month has been hell for us, because of bills, storms, and a bunch of other random things. We were doing ok before, but now when payday comes we are forced to pay half of the bills, and buy what we need, then are left with only enough money for gas to get to work for the next two weeks. It's not usually like this, and I'm not quite sure why all of a sudden things got so tight. I'm just a ball of worries though. Worries that we are going to get a shut off notice for our power, or telephone and have to go get a payday loan to prevent it from happening.

The power is almost paid off, and the phone bill is paid off until next month that is, so I guess thats something. Though I suppose it's understandable why the power bill is so high. The summer months always run very warm here (No AC, in 120 degree weather? I think not.) So it should start going down some, but until then we still have 180.00 to pay that's past due, and i'm praying we can pay it off on time. Though I suppose getting the payday loan wouldn't be all too horrible. Just transferring the bill somewhere else, and paying on it each month, but i'd rather not pay the finance charges.

My cycle has been wacked this month too. Not sure if I've O'd yet, temps keep going up and down, but I think the only reason for that is because of the way i've been temping. I'm pretty sure I sleep with my mouth open most nights. So next month I'm going to do it vaginally, and hope for the best. I've been trying to keep my mind off of everything, but it's just not working. Whenever my mind wanders it wanders to the bills to be paid, and when are we next going to be paid, and how much will it be, and will it be enough? I've tried reading to help with this, but it only holds my attention for little spurts of time.

Halloween is coming up, and i've tried focusing on that, and maybe that's why i'm anxious as well. The first time all month, i'll be getting out of the house and doing something fun, and around people I enjoy. I'm just sick of feeling like one big ball of anxiety. I get that enough with TTC, I don't want it to hang around because i'm looking forward to something!

I just have to keep telling myself, it will work out. Yes, having no money sucks, but we could be in a much worse situation. At least we are getting money to pay the bills, at least we will have the money to pay back the payday loan place, should we have to get one. Even though rent is sky high, at least we have a place to live. Even though we cannot eat out as much as we used to, at least we still have food to eat. Even though it cost an arm and a leg, at least we got the car insurance paid, and we can still drive to work--and it's one less bill to worry about. And even though friends are scarce, and we hardly see them, at least we do see them once in awhile, and we do have family who loves us.

Sorry. Had to vent--or something.....